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Let me tell you something about Twilight, kids. Stephenie Meyer writes like a 14-year-old girl on some form of BAD hallucinogenic drug writing really bad fan fiction. THAT'S how bad Twilight, the book the movie is based on, is, in case you for some reason have been living under a rock while this whole fiasco has occurred. There are a handful of characters I actually enjoy (Jasper and Alice and Carlisle, to name a few), but seeing as how pretty much the entire book is set around Edward and Bella's fricking ridiculous teen angst love fest a la Romeo and Juliet, reading the book is still worse than having my eyes gouged out with rusty sporks.

And the movie - dear god, THE MOVIE. Unless you want to lose brain cells, save your $15 (I include the ticket AND the popcorn, you fatty McPorkingtons) and buy yourself a GOOD book. Basically cut and paste my description of the book, sprinkle on some extra teen angst, stir in ZERO chemistry between Edward and Bella's actors, and combine it with Kristin Stewart's (or however you spell her name) atrocious acting and flat delivery of her few lines broken by oh-so angsty 20 minute long staring contests with Edward, and VOILA! Box office gold 14-year-old fangirls drool over for the next year... or until another crappy love story comes along.

Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Hopefully, once I finish and publish my novel, I can change the average reader from a drooling meat puppet to an intelligent human being who buys my book over whatever feces Stephenie Meyer may be stewing up in the future.

posted by Andy Anderson @ December 1st, 2008, 8:55 pm  -  4 Comments

Reader Comments:


This is a fangirl's angst-driven vampire fantasy.

According to ACTUAL vampire lore, vampires should be ashed in the sun, not "sparkle."

posted by Hathor Liderc (Guest), December 22nd, 2008, 4:54 am


I tried burning my cousin's copy xD

posted by Grimlock The Dinobot, January 12th, 2009, 7:32 pm


I See Why Sqwuib and you get along so well. . .that rant was awesome, i love to destroy Twilight (the movie more specifically) and every fan

posted by Luke (Guest), February 28th, 2009, 3:30 am


Aren't you just the oh so articulate 19 year old.
Yes, Twilight was a horrible movie, but it was also genius, in the sense that it catered to EVERYTHING young teenagers want these days.
It had vampires, love, werewolves, AND emo kids with little skill in acting.

Personally, I would never waste my money on that movie, whether it be in theaters or dvd.
I also suggest no one else do it.

posted by Yo Momma (Guest), December 9th, 2009, 12:55 pm

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